It has been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I don't have any excuses, other then I had so much free time I didn't know what to do with it all. I will try to get better at this blogging thing.
Exactly a week ago, I wrote in my personal journal that I am officially OUT of the 'honeymoon-stage' of studying abroad. This means that I have realized that I actually do live here and this is not just a flamboyant vacation, soon to end in the normality of Nebraska. I love the month February, but it has taken it's toll on me: my lungs (bronchitis), my relationship, my world-views, and my self-control (of my emotions). I've had bronchitis for about a week and a half, but I'm finally getting better. Thankfully, my mother and I thought it'd be a good idea to take antibiotics in case this happened. My relationship, with Billy, has been greatly tested, because, honestly, having your best friend on the opposite side of the world is very hard. My ideas of life in general have been tested multiple times this month due to the commonality of animal abuse, obscene poverty, wastefulness, religion, uneducated children, and especially money. My control over my emotions has been astonishing, considering how hypersensitive I am.
As a response to the last couple weeks, I have changed a little bit.
As for the realization that I live here:
Last Thursday, I went to a basketball tournament that the University was putting on. We had a team of boys competing in it so we went to cheer them on. During the girls' game, I voiced my disappointment of not signing up for a team. Suddenly, after changing into some sweats and some encouragement from my wonderful friends here, I found myself in the middle of the court trying to remember the faces of the girls on my team- that's right, I played basketball with girls I had never talked to, in front of an Indian crowd I knew would be watching my every move. It was pretty bad, as I haven't really played for about 5 years and many of the Indian girls had never played in their lives, but I ended up with a few points and a wicked injury on my ankle. We lost by 1 point and my foot hurt like no other, but I MADE INDIAN FRIENDS! :) It was absolutely horrifying to just go out on the court and play (I never would've done that a few months ago!), but I figured that if I'm in India, I might as well make it awesome, and that's what I did.
As for my relationship:
I realized that Billy is my best friend and our relationship is based on honesty. We had a few, good, honest arguments and then realized that if we wanted this to work overseas, we needed to try harder. So we are, and it's working :)
As for my world view changing:
Simply put, cultures are very different. I choose to come to a place that would shock me, and it does everyday. I learn something everyday and experience things I never thought I would. Some things are horrible and I can't seem to understand them; some things are wonderful and I can't seem to understand them.I have accepted that I don't understand a lot.
As for my realization that I need to control my emotions:
I am a very emotional person. I always knew that back home, but now I REALLY know. There are a lot of things to be upset about in India, just as anywhere in the world. My yoga professor, Yashoda, said something that seems to have lodged itself into my brain: it is not selfish to not feel. In other words, turning down the emotions doesn't mean you are not compassionate and uncaring; it just means that you are in control of how much something effects you. I'm trying to teach myself this.
I really love India; I'm just not in 'la la land' aka vacation mode anymore.
Exactly a week ago, I wrote in my personal journal that I am officially OUT of the 'honeymoon-stage' of studying abroad. This means that I have realized that I actually do live here and this is not just a flamboyant vacation, soon to end in the normality of Nebraska. I love the month February, but it has taken it's toll on me: my lungs (bronchitis), my relationship, my world-views, and my self-control (of my emotions). I've had bronchitis for about a week and a half, but I'm finally getting better. Thankfully, my mother and I thought it'd be a good idea to take antibiotics in case this happened. My relationship, with Billy, has been greatly tested, because, honestly, having your best friend on the opposite side of the world is very hard. My ideas of life in general have been tested multiple times this month due to the commonality of animal abuse, obscene poverty, wastefulness, religion, uneducated children, and especially money. My control over my emotions has been astonishing, considering how hypersensitive I am.
As a response to the last couple weeks, I have changed a little bit.
As for the realization that I live here:
Last Thursday, I went to a basketball tournament that the University was putting on. We had a team of boys competing in it so we went to cheer them on. During the girls' game, I voiced my disappointment of not signing up for a team. Suddenly, after changing into some sweats and some encouragement from my wonderful friends here, I found myself in the middle of the court trying to remember the faces of the girls on my team- that's right, I played basketball with girls I had never talked to, in front of an Indian crowd I knew would be watching my every move. It was pretty bad, as I haven't really played for about 5 years and many of the Indian girls had never played in their lives, but I ended up with a few points and a wicked injury on my ankle. We lost by 1 point and my foot hurt like no other, but I MADE INDIAN FRIENDS! :) It was absolutely horrifying to just go out on the court and play (I never would've done that a few months ago!), but I figured that if I'm in India, I might as well make it awesome, and that's what I did.
As for my relationship:
I realized that Billy is my best friend and our relationship is based on honesty. We had a few, good, honest arguments and then realized that if we wanted this to work overseas, we needed to try harder. So we are, and it's working :)
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| Valentine's Day Roses from Billy :) |
As for my world view changing:
Simply put, cultures are very different. I choose to come to a place that would shock me, and it does everyday. I learn something everyday and experience things I never thought I would. Some things are horrible and I can't seem to understand them; some things are wonderful and I can't seem to understand them.I have accepted that I don't understand a lot.
As for my realization that I need to control my emotions:
I am a very emotional person. I always knew that back home, but now I REALLY know. There are a lot of things to be upset about in India, just as anywhere in the world. My yoga professor, Yashoda, said something that seems to have lodged itself into my brain: it is not selfish to not feel. In other words, turning down the emotions doesn't mean you are not compassionate and uncaring; it just means that you are in control of how much something effects you. I'm trying to teach myself this.
I really love India; I'm just not in 'la la land' aka vacation mode anymore.
...and you still 3 more months to learn and grow! You do a great job on your blogs and pray you continue to be safe and have amazing experiences and strength to handle any trials! luv u and miss u!!!
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